Live & Kern

Especially when they’re pointing and laughing at you.

Not so long ago, I tried to warn you that gnomes are evil. Further proof:

My hometown (or at least the town we lived the longest in) of Blackwater, Mo., is very small. The 2000 census counted 199 residents, which seems a bit high. (In 1995, it was 159.) In 1920, the town’s peak, Blackwater boasted a population of about 600 people.

Something sinister has been taking place in Blackwater the past couple of years. Gnomes are moving in — which explains the population bump. In fact, gnomes are being invited: People keep setting up “gnome homes” in their front yards. The town’s (sad) website even includes a photo of the gnome home that started it all. (Do you see how big that home is for that tiny gnome?) Gnome homes are the new status symbol.

Every time I go visit my mother, I fear I will have to battle evil little gnomes. Thank goodness she doesn’t have a gnome home, and has big dogs to keep the gnomes at bay. (Evidently cumquats can be used to kill gnomes. I’m stocking up.)