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Holiday movie night: “A Christmas Kiss”

30 Nov

Work-obsessed, trying-to-make-it-big woman has a horrible boss. Woman wears a lot of glitter and meets a guy in a falling elevator. Woman takes off glitter, puts on glasses and the guy (her boss’s boyfriend) doesn’t recognize her the next time they meet. Of course.

Guy asks woman to fill in as his girlfriend on a carriage ride — you know, as you do. Woman is clumsy but has good friends. Girlfriend gets jealous, conspires and threatens. Guy gets confused easily and sulks. Woman’s friends conspire with better results and more glitter.

There’s a newspaper clipping at the end. Dear Hollywood: Hire real writers to write these things.

Holiday movie night: “Back to Christmas”

29 Nov

A woman who’s so very clumsy (of course she breaks a heel within the first 10 minutes) and terribly lonely puts work ahead of everything and meets her fairy godmother. She time-travels back a year when she was with her now-ex-boyfriend. And guess what! He’s terrible! He hates kids, and everyone knows that’s all that women really want. (He’s also Sheriff Lamb from “Veronica Mars.”) Dad says weird things; mom blames her daughter for all things; brother tries to be adorable with a heart-to-heart talk. And then, of course, finding the right guy solves all the problems!

Predictable and awful. And a lot of strawberry-sniffing …

Holiday movie night: “The Spirit of Christmas”

28 Nov

Woman can’t find love because her childhood was screwed up. (Um, it wasn’t really.) Woman becomes obsessed her with job because of stereotypes. Woman is sent to sell an inn (this is her job — not just for fun) where she, you guessed it, falls in love with a guy. Who’s a ghost. But who’s not a ghost for 12 days of the year.

Are you kidding me?

Holiday movie night: “Christmas in the City”

27 Nov

Starring Victoria from “How I Met Your Mother.” I always liked her. Much better than Robyn.

Anyway, small-town woman and her 6-year-old daughter heads to the big city to try to make enough money to save her dead father’s candy store. She lands a job at a department store in a miraculously short timeframe and falls for her boss, of course. Evil “marketing” woman schemes to take over the store (and the guy).

This tries really hard to be a “modern” “Miracle on 34th Street,” complete with real Santa getting fired.

Holiday movie night: “A Christmas Prince”

26 Nov

I don’t care much about Christmas, but there’s something about holiday-themed movies. Particularly those that fall in the “romantic drama” and “romantic comedy” categories. They are awful. Awful. So let’s start here. The lead actress is familiar from “iZombie.” It’s something new from Netflix so it has a chance to be watchable, right?

The main character is a “journalist,” but is definitely not a journalist. (Her big scoop belongs on the society pages. But even then, inside.) The press corps is equally awful. (Although a fellow “journalist” does offer some advice: Find another career path. You too, buddy.)

Holiday movie rule 1: Do not play or sing full versions of Christmas songs. That rule was broken here.

There’s predictable clumsiness. There are secrets — the kind that draw gasps from the crowds and never turn out well. And there are eye rolls, but that was mostly from me.